How to Set Boundaries to Improve Your Mental Health

Have you ever found yourself being unable to say “no” – even when you wanted to? Or perhaps felt uncomfortable doing something that goes against your core values, beliefs, and opinions?

If you’ve answered yes to either of these questions, then chances are, you have trouble setting boundaries. Much like fences between homes or walls between rooms, boundaries protect one’s personal or mental space and involve the physical and emotional limits of appropriate behavior between people.

While it’s important to be flexible and let things slide at times, you need to make sure that you don’t do so to the extent that you compromise yourself in an unhealthy way.

Not setting and adhering to boundaries in the long term can negatively impact your sense of wellbeing, self-control, and self-esteem. So much so that this Pacific Prime article gives you five actionable steps to help you set boundaries today.

1. Identify Your Core Values, Beliefs, and Opinions

The first step in setting boundaries is to know yourself and your needs. Ask yourself what are your core values, beliefs, and opinions that you won’t compromise on.

Many times, this stems from the religion one follows or from our upbringing, but it can also come from other sources. Once you know this, you’ll know what’s non-negotiable for you and what you can be flexible about.

For some people, identifying their values might be a super easy task. But others may struggle quite a bit. This is where reflecting on your day and jotting down your feelings might help.

Was there any particular incident or interaction that caused you unnecessary stress or discomfort? What do you look forward to each day and what do you dread/feel exhausted by? Is there anything that makes you feel safe and supported?

Successfully identifying your core values, beliefs, and opinions, will help you to understand how to set boundaries at work, with your family, and in your relationships.

2. Communicate Your Boundaries to Others

You might know where your lawn ends and where the road begins, but if you don’t clearly mark this with a fence, then you must be prepared for people accidentally wandering into your space.

Likewise identifying your core values, beliefs, and opinions lets you know your boundaries, but it won’t do you any good if you don’t communicate this to others. This might be a daunting task, so take a moment to gather yourself and then directly and clearly express your needs.

Here are some examples of boundaries and how they can be communicated:

• If you’re sick of people turning up fashionably late to an appointment, you can state ahead of time: “I’m only available for an hour, so please be on time. Or you might also say: “Please let me know if you’re going to be late.”
• If you’re offended by an incentive comment or joke, you can say: “I don’t find these kinds of topics funny. It’s offensive to me because of [insert reason if you feel comfortable]. I’d appreciate it if you could respect that.”
• If you’re uncomfortable with having your photos uploaded to social media without your consent, you can say: “I understand you want to share these moments on social media, but I’d prefer it if you could check with me beforehand.”
• And more.

Set Hard and Soft Boundaries

Another way to overcome the obstacles you may be facing is to change your mindset about how boundaries work. You have to first understand that boundaries are the limits that you set upon yourself, and apply through action or communication.

So, setting “hard” and “soft” boundaries will help you understand how to set boundaries at work, with your family, and in your relationships.

• Hard boundaries (non-negotiable): These are boundaries that you are not willing to compromise on and need to act on immediately. Think of it as the lines you’ll never cross. For example, if your boss or colleagues text you about work over the weekend, you’ll set clear boundaries for that not to happen.
• Soft boundaries (aspirations): These are goals that you’re flexible on, like wishes you’d like to achieve, but willing to compromise. For example, maybe you want to leave work at 4:30 pm instead of 5:30 pm, but that involves others like your boss. That’s why you can take it slow and think through how to bring it up over time.

What To Do When Communication Isn’t Enough?

While most (reasonable) people will respect your boundaries if you’ve communicated them clearly, you can’t ignore the fact that there will be times when things aren’t as easy or straightforward.

Whether it involves a bossy person, a passive person, or simply someone who has strong values that differ from yours, it helps to plan for how you’ll deal with the conflict ahead of time by reflecting on past experiences- especially if the conflict is something you’re not used to.

Here are some planning considerations for dealing with problematic situations:

• Think back to difficult situations and reflect on how they were resolved (if at all).
• It can be helpful to look at examples where they were resolved well and ignored, and compare the two.
• Figure out what aspect of a conflict is hard for you. Is it because you don’t recognize a conflict in the first place? Sometimes it’s not very clear as the other party may not spell out their dissatisfaction with you, but may simply sigh or complain until you give in.
• Try to identify when you start to feel manipulated or compelled. This might be because the other party expresses unhappiness or complains, or they make decisions for you. Likewise, it could be when someone is sarcastic or dismissive towards you.
• Develop a strategy for dealing with future conflict. Start by recognizing when the conflict occurs and watching out for unhealthy patterns you fell into in the past, remembering to treat yourself with as much importance as anyone else.

3. Determine Your Top Priorities in Work and Life

Ask yourself this question: What are the most important goals you want to achieve in your personal and professional life? It could be something as straightforward as wanting to spend more quality time with a family member or finding a job that promotes your wellbeing.

Identifying what your top priorities are will help you establish hard and soft boundaries.

Try this visualization exercise: Imagine that your current life is no longer possible due to job loss, relationship changes, relocation requirements, or a career shift. What would you do next? What would you miss the most? What wouldn’t you miss? What would excite you? What would make you sad?

Perhaps you’d pursue a job that is less stressful so you can spend more meaningful time with your loved ones. You might miss having a compassionate manager but not the constant overtime. Maybe you’d feel liberated to explore new places, industries, and connections.

Now ask yourself – of all the things you’d miss, which reality can’t you live without? Of all the things you wouldn’t miss, which are you adamant about not returning to?

Your answers will reveal your top-level priorities as well as some underlying aspirations that may be hidden by the safety net of your current situation.

Successfully balancing your top priorities in work and life will help you set boundaries with your family, in your relationships, and at work.

Secure a Health Insurance Plan via Pacific Prime Today!

Even if you set boundaries, adhere to them, and try to deal with conflict situations like a pro, there’ll be times when these difficult situations take a toll on your mental health.

That’s why it helps to speak to a therapist or other mental health professional who can help you reflect on things, identify unhealthy patterns, and provide support as you begin to adopt a shift in mindset and behaviors. This is crucial for those who are wondering how to set boundaries in a relationship.

Mental health and mental wellbeing have been rising issues in recent years. Seeking proper mental health support can help you see the world in a new light but it can also be expensive, which is something Pacific Prime can help you with.

With over two decades of industry experience as a leading global health insurance brokerage, we work with top insurers and have access to a range of health insurance plans.

Our advisors are both knowledgeable and impartial in recommending a plan, and can help secure one that meets your needs and budget.

Contact us for a FREE quote or tailored plan comparison today!

• Author
• Recent Posts

Veerabhatr Sriyananda

Content Writer at Pacific Prime

Veerabhatr is a content writer with over 6 years of experience with a particular penchant for storytelling and marketing, both in print and online. He now works with an experienced team of writers at Pacific Prime, aiming to shed light on the essence and benefits of insurance for companies and individuals by creating engaging, informative content across multiple platforms.

After obtaining his Bachelor’s Degree in Social Sciences, International Relations from Mahidol University International College, Veerabhatr has forged his career as a content writer in the travel, lifestyle, and real estate industries, writing in both English and Thai. He now continues to hone his skills as a writer at Pacific Prime, looking to engage and educate the audience by simplifying insurance.

Writer by day, and a DJ by night, Veerabhatr is a staunch music lover, and listens to all spectrums of genres available. He also loves to drink beer (moderately), eat all types of food, go to the beach, and learn about different cultures across the globe. He is also a die-hard fan of football and motorsports.

Latest posts by Veerabhatr Sriyananda (see all)

• Best Hospitals in Japan for Expats and Visitors – Top Recommendations - September 17, 2024
• Top 9 Insurance Companies in the Dominican Republic for Expats - September 17, 2024
• Hospitals in Brazil for Expatriates – Reliable Options - September 13, 2024